There were a moments before my children were home, before I knew them, that I wondered what it would feel like to be their mother. What does it feel like to be the mother to a child who didn’t grow inside of you? I heard others say, “Don’t you want children of your own?” Will it matter that he/she is not “one part me and one part him” as so many movies and TV shows like to describe the miracle of a child? We chose not to try to have biological children, so I can’t compare. I don’t have any little ones who spent 9 months inside of me. All I can tell you is what I know. These children are my own.
I know that when I look across the room and see my big boy grinning because he can’t believe he got another A on a math text, my heart bursts with pride and love. He says the little things that I say and whistles around the house just like his Papa. When my sweet girl giggles, it takes all of my will power not to squeeze her too tightly. Her eyes light up when I come home from shooting a photo session. My children are my joy. They are mine and I am theirs. Maya will never remember life any other way. I cannot imagine loving anyone more than I love my little family. There is no one who could convince me that if we had chosen to get pregnant that I could love that child more. It is not possible. Although my two children came into our lives in two different ways, with two very different paths, at different ages, I love them both with every bit of my heart. I am fiercely protective of them. I pray for them. I hope every day that I am being the mother that they need.
As adoptive parents, we often want to say that they love for our child is the same as the love someone has for a biological child, but I would argue that it is different. Certainly not less, but definitely different. I didn’t fall in love with them as they were developing inside the womb. I don’t love my children because they are a little part of me or my husband. I love them for exactly who they are, their past included. We had to fight for these children, through months of paperwork, heartaches, waiting and hoping. We didn’t know when they would be ours, but ours hearts have been theirs before they ever set foot in our home. These two babies are our own and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Here is one image from our family photo session last week. There will be more of these soon :)